It takes courage to put yourself out there. Whether you're sharing your first photograph, joining an online community or simply expressing who you are, making yourself visible can be an important and exciting step.
Unfortunately, not everyone responds with kindness.
For transgender people and cross-dressers, online hate can be an unpleasant part of social media. Cruel comments, personal insults and unwanted opinions can appear when you least expect them, sometimes in response to something as innocent as a photograph.
And here's the frustrating thing. One hurtful comment can stay with us far longer than twenty lovely ones.
Being told to "just ignore it" isn't particularly helpful. Words can hurt, especially when they target something deeply personal. Pretending otherwise doesn't make us stronger.
So how can you deal with online hate without allowing it to undermine your confidence or take away the enjoyment of being yourself?
Here are some practical suggestions.
1. Remember that online hate isn't constructive criticism
There is a difference between someone expressing an opinion and someone deliberately trying to make another person feel small.
Constructive criticism is intended to be helpful. Online hate is often intended to provoke, embarrass or upset.
When someone leaves an unpleasant comment about your appearance, gender expression or identity, it's tempting to examine what they've said and wonder whether there's any truth in it.
But consider this. Would you approach a complete stranger in the street and offer an unsolicited opinion about their appearance? Probably not.
Unfortunately, the distance and anonymity of social media can encourage people to behave in ways they wouldn't dream of behaving face to face.
Their comments aren't an objective assessment of who you are.
You don't have to accept someone else's judgement simply because they've chosen to share it.
2. You don't owe anyone a response
One of the most useful things to remember when dealing with online hate is that you don't have to participate.
It's natural to want to defend yourself, particularly when somebody says something unkind or makes an assumption about you.
But responding to someone who is deliberately trying to provoke you can quickly become exhausting. Some people aren't interested in understanding another perspective. They simply want a reaction.
Before replying, ask yourself a simple question:
Is this conversation likely to achieve anything positive for me?
If the answer is no, you have every right to walk away.
You don't have to explain yourself, justify your appearance or defend your identity to a stranger.
And choosing not to respond doesn't mean they've won.
Sometimes, the most powerful response is no response at all.
3. Make good use of the block button
Social media platforms offer tools to help you control who can interact with you. They're there for a reason.
Blocking someone, restricting their account or hiding offensive comments isn't an admission of defeat. It's simply deciding what behaviour you're prepared to accept.
Think of your social media account as your own little corner of the internet.
If someone arrived at your home and started insulting you, you wouldn't feel obliged to invite them in for a cup of tea and a lengthy debate.
The same principle applies online.
Most social media platforms allow you to:
- Block or mute accounts that repeatedly post unpleasant comments.
- Restrict who can comment on your posts or send private messages.
- Filter offensive words and phrases.
- Control who can tag or mention you.
- Report harassment, threats and hateful content.
It's worth spending a few minutes exploring these settings, particularly if you're beginning to share more photographs or participate in public online communities.
You can be open and welcoming without leaving the door open to abuse.
4. Protect your privacy as well as your confidence
For some transgender people and cross-dressers, privacy is particularly important.
You might be completely open about your identity, or you might only share that part of yourself with a small number of trusted people.
Neither approach is wrong.
If you're concerned about unwanted attention, take a little time to review what information is publicly available about you.
Consider whether your photographs reveal your location, workplace or other identifying details. Check which accounts are connected and who can see your posts, photographs and personal information.
If you use a separate social media account, remember that privacy settings can reduce exposure but cannot guarantee anonymity. Photographs and posts can still be copied or shared by other people.
Most importantly, never feel pressured into sharing more than you're comfortable with.
You can enjoy expressing yourself online without making every part of your life public.
Your boundaries are yours to set.
5. Don't dismiss how hurtful comments make you feel
We've probably all heard someone say, "Don't let it bother you."
That's easier said than done.
A particularly cruel remark can affect your confidence, especially if you've only recently started sharing photographs or expressing yourself more openly.
Perhaps you've spent ages getting your makeup just right, found an outfit you love and finally felt confident enough to share a photograph.
Then somebody leaves an unpleasant comment.
Suddenly, that lovely moment doesn't feel quite so lovely any more.
If that happens, give yourself permission to feel upset. You don't have to pretend the comment hasn't affected you.
But try not to let it become the only thing you remember about the experience.
Step away from the screen for a while. Speak to someone you trust. Remind yourself why you wanted to share that photograph in the first place.
It can also help to look back at the positive messages you've received, rather than repeatedly reading the negative ones.
If online experiences are consistently affecting your wellbeing, sleep or everyday confidence, consider speaking to a trusted person or qualified professional.
Looking after your emotional wellbeing is every bit as important as protecting your online privacy.
6. Surround yourself with people who lift you up
One of the wonderful things about the internet is its ability to connect people.
For many transgender people and cross-dressers, online communities provide friendship, advice, encouragement and a sense of belonging that might be difficult to find elsewhere.
A kind comment from someone who understands your experiences can be incredibly reassuring.
But support doesn't have to come exclusively from people with similar experiences.
Partners, friends, parents, children and other family members can be extraordinary sources of encouragement and acceptance.
At Born, we've had the privilege of photographing some of these relationships through our Supportive Family and Friends project.
The photographs and stories celebrate people who have chosen to stand alongside their loved ones, offering understanding, friendship and unconditional support.
They're a lovely reminder that, despite the negativity we sometimes encounter, there is also an enormous amount of kindness in the world.
Of course, not everyone has supportive family members, and that can be particularly painful. But friendship and acceptance can also be found in the people we choose to surround ourselves with.
The right people won't make you feel that you have to earn their kindness.
7. Know when online hate needs to be reported
There's an important difference between an unpleasant opinion and behaviour that becomes threatening, intimidating or harassing.
If someone repeatedly targets you, threatens violence, attempts to reveal private information or tries to blackmail you, it may be time to seek additional help.
Where it's safe to do so, keep a record of what happened, including usernames, dates, messages and screenshots. This information may be useful if you decide to report the behaviour.
However, you don't need to collect evidence before contacting the police.
You can report abusive behaviour directly to the social media platform. Serious threats, harassment and suspected hate crimes can also be reported to the police.
In the UK, call 101 for non-emergency police assistance, or 999 if someone is in immediate danger.
There are also specialist organisations that understand the particular challenges faced by LGBT+ people.
Galop, the LGBT+ anti-abuse charity, provides confidential advice and support to people experiencing hate crime and abuse. They can help you understand your options, whether or not you decide to make a formal report.
You don't have to handle serious harassment alone, and you don't have to decide everything immediately.
8. Don't let strangers take away something you enjoy
Perhaps the saddest consequence of online hate is that it can discourage people from doing things that previously made them happy.
Someone might stop posting photographs, withdraw from an online community or become reluctant to express themselves because they're worried about how others will react.
If you've experienced that, it's understandable.
But it would be a shame if the actions of a few unkind people prevented you from enjoying something that brings you pleasure.
Whether you love experimenting with makeup, trying different styles, sharing photographs or simply connecting with others, those experiences belong to you.
You don't have to prove anything to anyone.
And remember, there's no obligation to be visible online. Taking a break, limiting what you share or keeping your experiences private can be positive choices too.
Confidence isn't measured by how many photographs you post or how much of yourself you reveal.
It's about feeling comfortable making the choices that are right for you.
A final thought: Kindness is louder than hate
At Born, we meet people at very different stages of their personal journeys.
Some are wonderfully confident. Others are taking their first tentative steps towards expressing a part of themselves they've kept private for years.
Whatever their circumstances, one thing remains important: everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect.
The internet can sometimes feel like an unkind place, particularly when the loudest voices attract the most attention.
But those voices don't represent everyone.
There are people who will celebrate your achievements, admire your photographs, offer encouragement and be genuinely pleased to see you happy.
Seek out those people. Give their voices room to be heard.
And if you're someone who sees another person receiving abuse online, remember that a small message of support can mean more than you realise.
You may not be able to control what strangers say about you, but you can decide how much space you give their words.
Your confidence belongs to you.
Not to the strangers in your comments.